Opportunities to grow...

I neglected to mention that Alex got a new church calling back at the beginning of January... He is the   2nd counselor in the bishopric now.  He has several of the same meetings as before, since ward clerk goes to many of the meetings.  However, he does often have to stay and help with tithing after church and he has other visits during the week to members of the ward.  It's not uncommon for him to be at church from 9:30am-6:00 or 6:30pm on Sundays.  I do have a better chance at getting the crew to church on time with 1:00 church this year.  And I have been enjoying Alex making breakfast on Sunday morning and helping the kids with baths before he leaves.  Now the rest of the day... well, it's pretty hard.

One change with his new calling is that he sits up on the stand during sacrament meeting.  That means I am wrestling with the kids down in the pew for that hour.  Thankfully, other people have been helping out where they can.  (Sometimes they can't be helped.)  My visiting teacher "adopted" Weston to sit with them during Sacrament meeting.  That helps so much!  Trying to handle Weston and Savannah together is nearly impossible, especially since they get wild and goofy together AND Savannah is now throwing tantrums.  Last Sunday, Weston's adopted family wasn't there, so I was trying handle all the kids.  They were fighting over toys, being loud, and just really restless.  I had pulled everything out of my bag (which seems like a Mary Poppins bag as it is...can it really hold all that stuff?).  Savannah wouldn't be held.  She just wanted to take off.  She sees Alex up front, wanting to go with him and she doesn't like to sit still.  Well, what 14 month old does right?  She was determined to go SOMEWHERE, so she just laid down on the floor and started screaming.  I grabbed Weston and scooped her up and headed out in the hallway.  Nathan, Jared, and Owen are pretty good, so I don't worry too much about them being unattended.  Usually someone comes to sit by them when I head out.  I always dread Sundays - just such tiring days for me.

I often wonder why I come, just to struggle with the kids, when I can't even hear most of the talks and sit out in the hallway.  But then I remember that it's important to simply be in the right place at the right time.  And I do get to participate in the sacrament, the most important reason for being at church.  Back to Alex's calling, I also wonder why he was called to this position in such a busy season of our lives.  There are so many other qualified people who could have been called to serve in the bishopric.  Why him?  I don't know, but I do believe that the bishop gives callings through inspiration from God, so I am willing to do whatever is required to allow Alex to fulfill his calling.  I still have a lot of growing to do in this regard.  I tend to be selfish of Alex and his time - maybe this is something that I need to work on.  I need to willingly share him with the rest of the ward and allow him to serve without complaining or making him feel guilty about not being there to help out with the kids.

It's kind-of funny - back in December, when I was having to get the kids ready and to church at 9:00 on my own (Alex had early meetings), I leaned over and said to him, "SOMETHING has to change.
I don't think I can do this anymore."  I was getting to church in such a bad mood every Sunday, and I was tired of getting so frustrated and angry with the struggle to get the kids out the door.  Then just a few weeks later, Alex got called into the bishopric.  Not exactly the change I had in mind!  I fact, I was torn inside.  I was willing to support him in his calling, but inside I was screaming "No!  I can't do this!"  I fought back tears as I watched him leave to go sit on the stand.  At that moment, I felt abandoned and overwhelmed.  But then very soon after that, ward members gathered around me, offering an understanding pat on the back or offering to help with the kids.  And in that moment, the thought came to mind that I had "angels round about to bear me up."

As I thought more about it and my feelings from the few weeks before about something needing to change, I realized that something DID have to change.  It wasn't the circumstances.  What had to change was ME.  I needed to change my attitude and keep working on being kind and unselfish.  I still have a lot of growing to do to become the person I need to be.  But that's exactly what I think the gospel of Jesus Christ can do for us.  It can change our hearts, soften them, and smooth out our rough edges.  It's really hard sometimes, but we also are never alone.  The Lord is with us, and we have
angels round about to bear us up.  So we just have to keep doing the best we can.  Keep calm and carry on.

I joked with Alex after church that day, as I was headed home with the kids and he was staying at church - "It feels like we're saying good-bye...when will we see each other again?"  Ha ha.  It's not that bad, but sometimes it does feel like we're going our separate ways.  At least I get the kids, right? Right...?  :)