Long post here... I turned 45 this year, and that seemed to mark the beginning of a new season. I started a part-time job just a couple days before my birthday. It's been a big change, having not worked outside the home for the past 20 years. It was the fall of 2003, when I was pregnant with Nathan, that was the last time that I had a full-time job outside the home. I have loved being a stay-at-home mom, not missing any special times with the kids, attending all the sports and school activities, doing a little volunteering in the classes, being there for the kids after school, and having time to just focus on my role as a mom. Being a mom IS a full-time job, just without pay and often without recognition. It's been so challenging at times, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I know both the career path and stay-at-home path have their own challenges, but I feel like my chosen path may have been the harder path. I feel like women today are pressured into the career path, that somehow they're not a contributing part of society unless they're climbing up the career ladder. I know that's not true, but that's the perception of stay-at-home moms. I know that I have been really blessed to have a choice, to not have to work outside the home to make ends meet, but it's not without sacrifice. While I was making my 45-question quiz, I realized how thrifty I've been (or maybe just cheap!) and also how much I've learned about being self-reliant and resourceful in these last 20 years.
Here is my last quiz question:
45. Which ONE of these have I ever used professional services for?
A. Manicure B. Pedicure C. Massage D. Hair Highlighted E. Ears Pierced F. Kids Haircuts G. Housecleaning H. Grocery Delivery I. Family Photos J. Dog Grooming K. Chain Link Fence Removal L. Wedding Invitations M. Wallpaper Removal N. Interior House Painting O. Christmas Cards P. Photo Archival Q. Tax Preparation
The answer is family photos. We have paid for professional photos. I haven't ever paid for any of these other things. I do the house cleaning, get the groceries, wash the dog, do the haircuts, bake the birthdays cakes, prepare the taxes, and do a lot of the home projects. I wear the same clothes over and over, and we buy a lot of clothes at the thrift store. I drive around a "sunburnt" 2005 Honda with over 200,000 miles on it. We don't have extra money with just Alex working full-time and living in CA. The budget is tight, and I've made sacrifices to be a stay-at-home mom. I've reflected on these choices quite a bit and sometimes wonder what my life would be like if both Alex and I worked full-time. We'd for sure have more money - that's a given. But would we be happier? More comfortable? Would we be able to provide more towards the temporal needs and wants? Travel more? Who knows... What I do know is I don't regret choosing to spend all my time focused on being there for my kids. They'll someday reflect on my choices as well and realize that I chose them and sacrificed to be there for them. I know full-time working parents also make sacrifices and make time for their kids too, but choosing to stay at home is a clear choice of one over the other. I also know that I have built some pretty solid relationships with my kids, and it's because I've been there every step of the way with them. I'm friends with my kids as well as being their mom.
I've spent 20 years thinking about my choices and consequences and how to best help our kids succeed. I know there's not one right path and many ways of success, but I don't have any regrets so far on my chosen path. But that brings me to my new season. As the kids have been getting older and more independent, I'm not needed as much for the daily tasks and have more free time during the day. We're also on the brink of the college season and don't know how we'll help get our kids through college...
For a couple of years, I had been considering finding a part-time job, but I didn't want to be unavailable in the mornings before school or in the afternoons when they have sports and other activities. Ideally, I wanted a job 4-5 mornings a week from about 9-12. I still needed to be available for family vacations and not work on the weekends. I didn't want a long commute. I wasn't excited about working a fast-food job. I needed a lot of flexibility, and I wasn't sure if that job existed.
Jared had a temporary job during the summer working for a print shop. It seemed to be flexible, as they worked around his summer vacation and cross country schedule. It wasn't a lot of hours. The print shop wasn't far from home. I had the thought that I could maybe take over that job when school started. Then school started, and I had some projects to work on and things to be organized. I love having time to work on photo books or other projects. After a month of doing other things, I figured that the print shop job had probably been filled already, so I wasn't actively thinking about finding another job. Then the owner of the print shop sent Jared a message asking if he knew anyone who might be interested in working 10-15 hours a week. He relayed the message to me, asking if I was still considering the job. I was still interested... but the thought of working outside the home terrified me. I didn't know if I was ready.
I didn't do anything about it that day, but the next day the thought came that it wouldn't hurt to go in and ask about the job ("just go and see" was the thought). I put together a simple resume, which was a little odd because I didn't have any job experience in 20 years. It was about 4:00 in the afternoon, and I was still scared, thinking about delaying until the next morning. I was still tossing around the idea of working in my head, but the voice in my head said, "Just go now." It was almost like a little argument in my mind. "Okay..." So I bolstered up my confidence and made the drive over. I walked in the shop, introduced myself as Jared's mom, and asked about the job. She was surprised, not expecting Jared's mom to come in. I was equally surprised, not sure what I was doing. We sat down and chatted about the job, the expectations, my availability, etc. She asked if I could come in the next day for some training. I was there for about 5.5 hours, learning about the different tasks. There were so many steps and things to remember; my head was about to explode with information overload. And then... towards the end of the day, her current employee called and quit, so then she didn't have anyone else to work during the morning. She asked if I would be ready to be in the shop on Thursday on my own... I knew I wasn't ready and told her that, but basically said if she wanted me to try then I would be willing.
The owner of the shop needed to take care of things at her 2nd home, which was 3.5 hours away, along with taking care of her mom that has Alzheimer's. She assured me that I could call her any time and she would be working remotely through the computer system. Okay, so here we go...
I was on the phone most of the first day trying to figure out how to complete basic tasks. I didn't even know how to work the copy machine! It took at least 10 minutes just to find the power button. We had a lot going on that day, with projects to print, packages to check in and out, mail to be distributed, people wanting copies or fax. The toner needed to be replaced on the printer, which I had to figure out on my own. The computer system went down for a bit and had to be re-booted. The shop owner's phone died, so I had to figure out how to print from a thumb drive. I didn't even know how to process a payment. I had to learn how to do shrink wrap from instructions over the phone. A random guy, who looked homeless, wandered in the shop with his bike and several grocery items. He handed me a package of hotdog buns and asked if I could put them back in the fridge... it seemed like it was something he did often, so I just asked if he wanted me to put his name on the item. He said, "No." But then he decided that he wanted to put some more things in the fridge. Meanwhile, his bike fell over, spilling liquid all over the entryway. So I worked on cleaning that up while he fished around for more items to store in the fridge. He then disappeared for a while, leaving the bike there. I called the shop owner and she assured me that it was okay, because he was coming in to work there on Saturday... it was a pretty crazy first day.
Things seem to go wrong a lot with machines and new projects require me to learn tasks on-the-spot. I had to replace the label roll on the package mailing system by googling it and finding the instructions on-line. It's hard to find things, like specific boxes, envelopes, or paper in the shop. I have to call or email about orders or payments, and I don't know how to answer most questions from the customers. I'm not a customer service person, so that's the most challenging part of the job. I got in the middle of a payment issue one morning, after having sent an email dictated by the shop owner. The client called the shop and was really upset about the email that I had just sent and signed. I didn't know what was going on with the project or payment arrangements and was directing that client to speak with the owner. The client wasn't nice to me, but I did my best to listen to her as she threatened to not do business with us anymore and pull out of the project. I then called the owner and explained the phone call and that she needed to speak with the client, which she did. She smoothed it over, but what I wasn't expecting was the client complained about me personally, saying that I laughed at her while we were talking and that the client's mom had been in the shop the previous day and had a horrible experience. It was me who was helping her, and I had no idea what "horrible experience" she had, because I was friendly and helpful while working with the customer. It's hard being the only one working in the shop, trying to manage the usual tasks, unexpected things that happen, and customers who come into the shop with immediate things to be done. It's also hard to get blamed for things that are lost, the cash register not balancing for the day, or things going wrong. There are good and bad days, which is probably basically every job out there. I just try to be calm and roll with whatever happens.
Things have gotten better since learning the basic tasks of the shop, but I'm still learning how to do some things. My hours per week are a little more than I expected, averaging about 17-18 hours per week, with the most being almost 23 hours one week. We had a project requiring a lot of time to complete and not having anyone else to work during the morning. Usually I work 3 days a week, from about 9-2:30, but sometimes I work 4 days a week. I often don't have time to eat lunch and sometimes don't even take a bathroom break. The hours are both challenging and yet still somewhat flexible. I haven't had to miss the sporting events in the afternoon yet. I had a very light schedule over the Thanksgiving week. I don't have a long commute to work, it's pretty flexible, and I'm making a little extra money to help with the family finances, so it's working out so far. I'm still unsure about this new season of life, but I have a feeling I'm doing this job for other reasons beyond what I can see, so I'm sticking with it, trying to keep a good attitude and be a positive influence for those around me.
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