Remembering Jim

Jim's funeral was in Dallas.  Alex was able to be there for that and gave the eulogy.  That was pretty tough for him.  Here is what Alex wrote about Jim:  

First of all, I would like to thank all of you for coming and expressing your support and love for Jim. It means a lot to my parents, other family, Monica, and me. As we reflect on the impact he made on our lives, we are reminded that although deep and impactful, 37 years was way too short.  As we celebrate Jim’s life, I would like to start out by reading a passage of scripture...

Fittingly, in the 1^st Chapter of the Epistle of James in the New Testament, where we are counseled ‘wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.’

One of Jim’s many strengths was his possession of these three attributes. I can’t remember a time when Jim lost his patience or spoke out in anger. He was always calm and collected. He truly watched out for others and could always be depended on for a good listening ear and a well-thought response.

He was never quick to anger. And as his brother, I would know. Looking back, I can see how easily it would have been for him to be infuriated with some of the things I did to him, but he wasn’t. Only being three years the younger, He was my best friend. We broke windows together, (mom and Dad, it actually was Jim), caught snakes and turtles, built Legos, and spent endless hours outside making forts and playing in the dirt. One of my favorite childhood memories was the making of snot stalactites on the ceiling by spitting loogies while doing the dishes in the kitchen.

Later, he went to OSU, were we overlapped for two years. There Jim officially became of philosopher.  Since being a professional philosopher isn’t very lucrative, Jim went to law school where he earned his jurors doctorate at OU and later passed the bar. So as of 2004, at least in the state of Texas where we stand now today, we can officially refer to him as Dr. S. He always loved the intersection of law and oil and gas. After a few years working for a law firm in Holdenville, he got his dream job in OKC in early 2008, but like many that year fell victim to the recession. Following that short stint, he returned to our home town...to run his own law practice for 5 years. He never really made the “sweet, sweet damages” by suing “for fun and profit” as he often kidded - Probably because he was too kind. As much as he joked, I don’t think he ever had the temperament to be a cold, cut-throat lawyer. Although he had the skills to out debate or out wit anyone. As the economy of oil and gas improved, and following a few other ventures, one of which brought him to Dallas, were he met Monica, he was able to get back into what he enjoyed most professionally - oil and gas law.

An avid OU football fan, I can forgive him for that..., he was always fun to talk to. He could give equally well-thought out analysis of the Thunder plays from the night before as he could on Milton Friedman’s ideas on stabilization theory... He was incredibly well read and a deep thinker. I often had to ask him to define the words that he used because I didn’t know what they meant. What I will miss the most is our conversations that lasted until the early morning hours - a continuation of our childhood habits - I will treasure those memories forever.

Jim enjoyed board games. I know with friends he spent many late nights playing and my kids and I loved playing games with him too. He introduced my boys and I to some of our favorites - including Global Mogul and of course, Risk. Everyone’s record in the game of Risk will now improve because the “Ukraine is not really all that weak.”

Like a true Okie he also enjoyed fishing. I can’t actually recall him catching a fish, but I could depend on him going fishing with my boys and helping them get ready or take their fish off the line. At our parents’ home in Poteau, he helped two of my sons catch their first fish.

He was kind and empathetic. Often watching out for the overlooked person or group. Whether that was a small unheard of political group in the Middle East or someone we all knew well personally. For my family it was always our middle son, Owen. We often jokingly said that he was president of the Owen fan club. But he always brought a unique but caring and empathetic perspective to the world.

As we say our mortal good byes to such a dear friend, I am comforted by a few things.  First, in the thought that maybe he was at one of the happiest times in his life. He had captured the job that he wanted, in the city he loved, and with the companion, Monica, that he deserved. He really had found happiness, it was just cut too short.


Second, I am also comforted in the hope that the resurrection of Jesus Christ brings to us.  Paul taught the Corinthians ‘’For since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead.   22. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.’’  I know the resurrection is real.  Christ died to give us all the free gift of the resurrection.  And I look forward to seeing him again one day.

Although, I know I will see him again after this life, Jim, why could you not have procrastinated one more time - in your passing. We love you and will miss you. In the words of my son, Weston:

Come back Uncle Bim...

That reference to Weston was from one of Jim's visits to us - after Jim left, Weston kept saying "Uncle Bim" (he couldn't say Jim).  He wanted him to come back to our house.

Here are those videos of Weston:  

Here are some of my thoughts:

As the sister-in-law, I can’t say that I had a close relationship with Jim or even got to know him as well as I should, but yet we have been family now for over 17 years and had lots of good times. I don’t have a lot of particular memories or stories that stick out to me. Jim was a pretty low key, no drama type of guy. What I do know is how important Jim has been in Alex’s life - they were best friends. They sent messages to each other often and talked on the phone at least once a week (Alex was pretty consistent about Sunday phone calls and did talk to Jim about 4 hours before he died...) Jim was the one Alex always called for advice or to talk about sports, politics, and anything else. Jim was really bright and had a good head about him. He was always up-to-date on what was going on in the world. I was always so amazed at his knowledge!
Jim was really easy going and non-judgmental. He was the first S that I met after Alex. I met Jim over at Alex’s apartment in the fall of 1999. I don’t really know what he thought of me, but I found him to be a nice, easy-going guy. And it was the first glimpse at Alex and Jim’s relationship - they loved to talk and seemed really close. I think I got a few words in their conversation that day... 🙂

My kids loved uncle Jim. He came to visit us in CA quite a few times. He was pretty consistent about a yearly visit - we started to look forward to Jim’s January visit (because he visited in January a few years in a row). He was patient with the kids and put up with them invading his personal space, reading books to them, and being entertained by their Legos. They liked to play games with Jim too. Owen really liked Jim, and Jim seemed to have a special place in his heart for Owen too. He just seemed to understand Owen (maybe both of them being a younger brother). We joked about Jim being the president of the Owen fan club.
It was unfortunate that Jim didn’t get a chance to have kids of his own. One of my more memorable things with Jim was a conversation Alex and I had with him. We had been worried about Jim’s goals in life at the time, but he got really emotional and talked about his desires to get married and have a family. We prayed a lot for Jim that he would find a companion. We were so glad when he found Monica. They were a great pair, taking care of each other. We used to joke that Jim was going to have to find someone else who was really laid back and didn’t mind his personal hygiene! 😁 I’m sure he was clean most of the time, but he could wear the same clothes over and over. He always packed really light when he traveled - he’d bring a tiny duffle bag that probably had a change of socks and underwear and maybe another plaid shirt. 😀 He liked his plaid button up shirts.
One other random memory was back during our college days. Alex and I were over at Jim’s apartment. I used the bathroom and then wiped my hands dry on a hand towel in the bathroom. Big mistake...The towel smelled SO bad! Alex had wiped his hands on that towel too and we laughed about it afterwards. It must have been ages since that towel had been washed! 😜 I guess that’s probably just a typical college guy thing, but I still remember that crusty towel in Jim’s apartment! Anyway, this is getting to be a weird tribute, but really just wanted to say that Jim was an easy-going kind soul that couldn’t be bothered by the things of the world. Maybe he wanted more and didn’t have the opportunity, but he never seemed like a worldly type of guy. I am comforted in knowing that he was probably more happy than he had ever been in a while - he had finally found a companion and a good job that he liked. It’s unfortunate that his health didn’t cooperate. But we know he’s in a better place now, and we look forward to seeing him again someday. But in the meantime, he will be missed!